covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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