Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
