I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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