There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
