I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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