I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
