I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
