What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
