True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
