Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
