Swine flu. Run for my life!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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