Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
