My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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