I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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