Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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