i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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