NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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