The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
