Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
