You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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