Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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