We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
