he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
