he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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