Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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