Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
