i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
