YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
