and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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