I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
