i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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