Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
