these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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