is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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