So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
