How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
