hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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