If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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