i jhust puked up my retainher.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
