I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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