What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
