he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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