my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ladies don't puke and tell
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
