just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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