Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
