I think I died a long time ago.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
