Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
