Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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