Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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