And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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