His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret