wanna go halves on a baby?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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