I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.