he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.