sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.