Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...