remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"