Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
