Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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