I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Randomize
