Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
