dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
