Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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