I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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