You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
