I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
