i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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