By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Someone shit on the floor
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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