When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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