i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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