why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We are all done wearing pants today
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
