I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
