If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
