Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
