I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
did i walk over a car last night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
