He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
