he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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