Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
