Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
