"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
